Welcome To My Bed

She's got a carburetor tied to the moon.

1. My teeth have finally been attended to. I have an oral surgery appointment for December 23rd to extract my left wisdom teeth, which means I get to spend the entire holiday season angry at my own mouth. However, this condition is not all bad. I got to watch a video at the oral surgery consultation about the risks and rewards of wisdom tooth removal. The acting was absolutely terrible. I felt as though I were watching a skit from a fourth grade D.A.R.E. class, except without the "drugs are bad!" slogans. Instead, they were extolling the virtues of general anesthetic and reminding patients how important dental health is.

2. I have set aside this afternoon to write my Div II retrospective. In all honesty, I doubt it's actually going to happen. But it's the thought that counts, right? I have to hand the thing in to my committee in a week or so. I'm not quite sure what to talk about. Reflexive essays have never been my strong suit. I feel silly talking about myself; the work in my portfolio should speak for what I've experienced, although I suppose that no one could possibly know what kind of an impact my involvement in slam has had on my college experience. It's a slippery fish to try to quantify, and even in a narrative space, I'm not sure I'll be able to capture it effectively. I'm not particularly worried about the writing I have to do about my actual courses, it's just this poetry thing. How can I make my professors see the weight of it? I often joke with Sean and say that he's the reason I'm still in college at all, and in a big way, that is the closest thing to the truth I can offer. I know for a fact that without Slam Collective, I would not have stayed at Hampshire, and in that case, I probably would never have graduated from college. Writing saved my academic life. It's so simple, but it's also difficult to make that statement seem justified. Ugh. I am probably over-thinking all of this. I should probably just do it already.

3. If all goes according to plan, I'm seeing my Button tonight!

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4. I have a stack of letters that I am never going to send next to me in bed. The temptation to stamp and address them is excruciating. There are so many things that I'd like to say to so many people, and I'm not sure if it's ever going to be the "right time". On Wednesday I wrote a friend from Providence a letter and immediately after mailing the first letter, I came home and wrote her another, this time saying exactly what I would have said if I wasn't afraid of the consequences. It was incredibly cathartic, but also frustrating, because I'm not sure I'll ever have the courage I need to send that second letter.

5. My brother is on a Queen kick, and I blame me. I gave him the greatest hits album months ago and I think he's just now realizing that he loves it. The other night after dropping our sister off for a night on the town, the two of us drove home to a Queen sing-along, and hearing him sing "Bohemian Rhapsody" at the top of his squeaky twelve-year-old lungs was so heart-warming. I think I hear him watching Dr. Horrible in the next room right now. Is it bad that I have more in common with him than anybody else in this house??