Providence, a little over a year ago, on the drizzly day that my older sister graduated from college.
She just got a job doing what she has always wanted, teaching high school history and working closely with students in the city she fell in love with during her four years of higher education. My dad was so excited that he called me at the bar the other night while I was working, almost in tears, just to tell me. I was literally jumping for joy, but there wasn't really anybody around to share it with. Now that the dust has settled surrounding all that, among other things, I am thinking a lot about my own future and what I want from it. James and I have been talking so much lately, about getting back together, about the seriousness of that decision. Getting older is something nobody can really prepare you for. Feeling settled is a sensation that both terrifies me and makes me content with the life that I am making for myself. I can't say that I know exactly where the next five or ten years will take me, but I have a rough idea of what I want, and that, in and of itself, is something I couldn't claim a year ago at this time. I definitely didn't foresee any of this, but the choices that I have made that caused me to arrived at this juncture of my life are sound, and I trust my instincts now.
There is talk now of The Hotel Chelsea at Christmastime, of being together for the long run. Conversations about wanting to have known each other longer give way to a kind of happiness I can't really describe. I love the idea of not worrying about our knowledge of each other being younger than this picture. We have all the time in the world to know each other, to be in love, and to quit apologizing for being imperfect. Because there is someone who wants me just the way I am. Always on the same wavelength. All of this is coming up on its first birthday, not long after I finally turn nineteen. There is so much left to discover, but having someone to discover it with makes it at the more exciting to me.