Welcome To My Bed

Smiling.

Things I found tonight that made me smile:



And a poem I wrote God knows when this summer -


I remember it as snow
though I know we hadn't quite gotten there yet
hands clenched in my pockets
trying to dig deeper holes
against my hip bones
a family-sized bottle of cheap chardonnay
but nothing could keep me warm
not even with stomach at my feet
and my lips running only to your ears

I was crowned with cigarette ash
from backseat smoking
and your arms around me
like down against December frost
when we hadn't seen Thanksgiving
when we hadn't seen skin or silence
skin or sweet nothing
from God's mouth to our ears
words we both knew better than trusting

I remember it as snow
but really it was a pot of chai before
we happened upon each other again
maybe because I felt the air crunch
when I closed and locked my door
for the last time
at that time of night
last time that my pillow
would go without the carbon of your breath
mixing with the oxide of early morning
and I could finally die satisfied
even if December came
with no calendar to count on

I remember it as snow
and I can tell it's symptomatic
of fighting off the blanket of summer
that threatens to swallow
everything I spent no time hoping for
and all my time receiving
no time dreaming of
and all my time spent
on getting ink under my skin
getting closer to living
and getting you to notice me.